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Waiver and Disclaimer

(We bet you’ve never seen a waiver and disclaimer like ours)

I know this trail has plenty of rocks, roots, stumps and other tripping hazards. There are stream crossings with stepping-stones. The trail is narrow at times and could be crowded as faster runners overtake slower ones. (Getting excited yet?)

A faster runner might, therefore, knock me to the side, causing me to slam headfirst into a tree or get impaled on a jagged root. There might be poison ivy, ticks, bugs, bees and other woodsy things found in the great outdoors. (Is this a great waiver, or what?)

Wind and rain may create mud holes, fell trees and limbs and create hazards that race officials don’t even know about. Even if they detect a hazard, I don’t expect them to warn me. I’m on my own.

Vandals may swipe trail markings. I could veer off course and run straight into a horse’s ass for all I know. I know I must yield to said horsies if I see them. They have the right of way. In addition, race officials may deliberately create extra hazards. Just for fun.

There are also a number of wooden catwalks, whose condition varies with their age and the weather. Those boards can become damaged in storms, or simply be jarred loose by other runners. They are also very slippery when wet. My expensive running shoes will not save me. I need to stay in the center and I won’t try to pass while on them. I know there will be ample chances to pass other runners in safer spots. In other words, I’ll cool my jets on the catwalks.

There are only three water stops, so it’s important to carry a water bottle and any food that I want. If I get dehydrated, it could be months before my pile of vulture-picked bones are found. (Ever had so much fun reading a disclaimer?)

But even though I might get hurt or lost, I'm agreeing to all this crap because I want to run this race. I am therefore releasing and discharging all race officials, volunteers, sponsors and municipalities, as well as the rocks, roots, bugs, tree limbs, and other stuff, dead or alive, gnarly or not, that might poke an eye out or otherwise hurt me. Because I know that trail running is a high-risk activity.

I hereby certify that I am physically fit, responsible for my own actions, and have sufficiently trained for an event of this nature. In other words, I won’t sue any of the people or groups responsible for this race if I get hurt. And if I am under 18, then my parent or guardian is signing this release.

I realize also that this trail has known knowns; there are things I know that I know. There are also known unknowns; that is to say, I know there are some things I do not know. But there are also unknown unknowns – there are things I do not know that I do not know. I am accepting all these risks; known and unknown.

And I’m agreeing to all of this even though it is written in plain English instead of stupid legalese.